Little Falcon Child, Raven Girl
by origin-of-promise
Summary: Mara is a mongrel. Half falcon, half raven, plagued by Ecl and living in Wyvern's Court. This is her story. Summary changed. T to be safe, please R
1. Fly with Grace

**A/N: This is an ongoing poetry story about Mara, a half-falcon, half-raven that lives in Wyvern's Court. She is my own creation. This first chap might be a little strange, and it's short. If you want to hear more about Mara, she appears in the story "Karma: Deformity Is A Curse" by Starlight and Notebook.**

**Please review! Thanks, Dusk.**

(Fly.)

Fly with grace.

Little falcon child,

Little raven girl.

Spreading iridescent wings

To fly for the first time.

Wandering in the market,

Never suppressing

that falcon pride.

But twisting, turning, in sleep--

dreaming of Ahnmik

(beautiful city) and

pretending not to be a mongrel.

Playing in the hills

of Wyvern's Court

(affectionate, mixed-blood)

brings happiness--

but feeling lonely anyway.


	2. Dance

**A/N: Hopefully, as the chapters keep coming, this won't be so confusing. It's purposely vague for now, as if you are reading someone's thoughts or memories. Please review:) **

(Dance.)

Discovered one night

when I couldn't sleep.

Stumbled into the nest

that mother told me wasn't safe.

It seems safe to me.

Closing eyes

and letting go

Body swaying,

falcon wings close behind.

No one looks strangely at the

little falcon child,

little raven girl,

that spins around

and around

until she can't see straight--

I like it that way.

I fall down.

Sleep among the serpiente,

the avians,

and try so hard not to dream

about the mother that hates me

and the father I don't even think

exists.


	3. Crazy

(Bad ideas.)

Asking mother how I got here

without a father.

She screams so loud I have to cover my ears

and squeeze my eyes shut

tight.

Fleeing to the nest

and dancing insanely;

even my few friends notice

I have gone crazy.

Spent, disgusted,

dizzy, I push myself through the door

Not making it further than

A few steps.

This is when I fall for the first time

I can remember.

It is cold,

and empty,

and I'm scared.

Bitter seas licking at my feet,

bitter like my name.

I'm drowning

and I hate it.

_Ecl_, I hear in my head.

This is Nothing.

This is what I deserve for not having a father.

I can feel my tears

But I can't move my hands from my sides,

trapped staring at the seas

and the icicles that I know will fall

and kill me.

Opening my eyes,

I get myself out, somehow.

And see him staring at me.

"I know how you feel," he says.

I shake my head mutely--

I know Acelan has a father,

so how can he understand?


	4. Shock

**A/N: Mara is fourteen now…more about that in the next chapter. I mentioned Acelan in the last chapter? He's a character belonging to Starlight and Notebook—so thank you very much for giving me these ideas! Please review!**

--Shocking realization--

I have a father.

Years gone by and I feel stupid

All this time, thinking,

really believing,

that this falling is merely my fault

because I'm a bastard.

(Not true.)

Sitting at my window, seeing stars

When it's not night

And the mother that hates me finally tells me.

No small talk.

Just this.

When I start crying she just shrieks.

How could I be so stupid,

stupid, she wants to know?

All this time he's been at home,

the home that she's never been

that I'll never go to unless

I want to die.

How could I not have known?

You're a mongrel,

she hisses at me,

and I'm so scared I willingly fall.

Straight to Ecl.

My personal Hell.

But my haven as well.

I run through the ice and I'm tripping over my feet

While my body rocks back and forth in real life,

an empty shell

I hear a distant scream and wonder if it's me

But no--I realize that's

my mother.

Not hate,

I realize, no.

She's frightened.

Of me.


	5. Blind

**A/N: Nothing really to say about this chapter except that it picks up right from the end of the last chap. :)**

Stumbling blind

Is never a good idea.

Finding myself in the Nest

I collapse at his feet

Fourteen years old now and still falling.

"How can you do this?" I scream

at Acelan, calm Acelan.

"You knew!"

My accusation is biting,

And he doesn't understand.

But knowing he knew I'm not

A bastard all along,

That hurts.

The hole at my feet that leads to the ice

Is so inviting,

But he's pulled me out one too many times

And still doesn't know I go there when I'm alone

To see the stars sparkling

On the surface of the seas.

Bitter, bitter,

That's what I am.

And I can't live at home anymore.

He crushes me to him

And I'm crying so hard I can't pull away.

I only want to escape to Ecl

Where it is safe.

But I don't.

Through my sobbing I ask if he'll come to get my stuff

With me.

And there are no questions.

He understands.

Mother doesn't want me anyway

And I love dancing too much.


	6. Bitter

I have this sudden urge

To chop off my ebony curls.

They remind me too much

Of my mother.

Trying to visit her

A week after I left in tears

And she goes rigid when she sees how I am:

Composed, hard,

Bitter.

I don't think she thought of that when she named me.

I ask her how she is,

And I'm genuinely worried

But she shies away and stares through distrusting eyes,

What did I ever do

Do make my mother so afraid?

I smile warmly

And offer to draw her a picture.

She reluctantly nods.

Secretly bursting with pleasure,

I take out my paints

And begin.

(Disaster.)

I finish and turn it to my mother

So she can see

And I hear a soft gasp of surprise.

It is only then that I realize what I've drawn.

Empty, icy, desolate plains

Somewhat like Ecl, but not.

I look at it sadly and begin to apologize,

But she cuts me off

With the words, "Get out"

In a whisper-soft voice that scares me.

I leave.


	7. Paint

**A/N: Please review! Thanks to all that have been R&Ring and I hope you like it!**

On my fifteenth birthday,

I try painting again.

I haven't done it in a year,

And Acelan is in the room with me.

Smiling and humming as I draw—

I haven't been this happy in so long.

And I don't pay attention until the

art is finished.

And even then, Acelan gets the first

Look.

He smiles pleasantly,

Such a different reaction than me;

I gasp.

Dancers.

Too many on one dias, swirling _melos_

And bodies.

Dancing is passionate

But this painting reeks of sadness

That bleeds throughout the dark clothing and the somber faces.

A strange combination.

I look up at Acelan and realize what I've done.

"Again," I whisper

to the half-phoenix.

At first he is confused.

I stand up and put his face between my cold hands,

But he doesn't flinch.

"Why are you sad?"

I ask him softly, barely speaking.

He only smiles again and knows now

That I have drawn what he was feeling.

Stepping away suddenly,

I try

Not to seem like his skin burned me.

I can't get too close to anyone else

Because they'll

(Like my mother)

think I'm crazy.


	8. Storm

**A/N: My reviewers...there's only two of you, but you have no idea how much confidence you've given me. And I need that. So thank you! Here's the next chapter, hope to hear what you think!**

There's a storm coming.

Black clouds covering

the sky, the wind

plays with my ebony hair,

my feathers as it brushes over my falcon's wings.

Sitting outside the dancer's nest

with Acelan standing beside me

I want nothing more than to take

to the skies.

I say so and he stares at me

"Are you crazy?"

Yes, I am.

But the pull to dive into the wind

As if I'll be blown away

is too strong.

I smile at him

And tell him not to

stop me,

and I'm shifting into my falcon-raven form

before he can reply.

The wind howls around me

I'm on one air current and then the next.

And then it starts to rain.

Icy bullets of rain,

pelting me as if

to throw me out of the sky,

_their_ sky.

And it's such the opposite of

numb Ecl—

ironically so good to feel pain—

that I let out a pure falcon's shriek

of joy,

but it's lost among the thunder

and the wind.

Right now I feel

that I could fly in this storm,

Forever.


	9. Friends

I fall.

Drop out of the sky

As if I forgot

How to fly.

I don't understand,

but lying here,

sprawled across branches,

Iridescent wings

Maybe punctured,

I screech out my cries for help.

Am I too deep into the forest for anyone to hear?

My vision is fading,

And I want dearly to find

Ecl and its cold numbness.

But it's not there.

Mother's old words come back to me

And I'm hearing her order me not to go back

To the Nothingness.

_It isn't safe_.

I smile, think how she doesn't even know

Anything.

And yet I still love her.

The beating of wings meets my ears;

It's the sweetest sound in the world.

"Mother?" I call,

but no, it's Acelan.

How could he hear me from so far away?

I ask him as he shifts into Demi-form,

And I'm human again,

But he doesn't look me in the eye.

"It's what friends are for,"

he whispers.


	10. Eyes

**10.**

I send Mother a picture—

a pretty one this time.

I drew it thinking of how

much I love her.

But just to be safe,

I don't deliver it myself.

What if she wouldn't open the door?

Today I'm with

Acelan in the market

and everyone knows we're mongrels.

And everyone stares—

Some laughing, some calling names.

But the worst part is when they tell you

they hate you.

Standing close to him,

I grip his hand tightly with my much

smaller one.

Don't be afraid,

I tell him.

He smiles, "Just ignore them."

But that's so hard to do when their leering faces

won't leave you alone.

I'm sorry for being this way—

it's not my fault.

Sometimes I want to flee to Ahnmik,

and Father—

even though I don't know who he is.

But then I remember Ecl.

No falcon would want me

For being a mongrel.

At least here, in Wyvern's Court

I can dance all I want

And not be afraid of getting

hurt. I only have to worry

about enduring those stares

and laughing,

hateful eyes.


	11. Rage

**A/N: Just thought I'd thank Starlight and Notebook. This whole story wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her. A few chapters later will enter the storyline of her fic, "Karma: Deformity Is A Curse," so I really recommend reading it. Please review this chap!**

Tears in my eyes

and I can't see.

This anger isn't making it any

better, either.

I thought it was good,

that Mother would be happy with my painting.

But she sent it back

to me.

I want to scream.

(No note was with my proof of love for her.)

But instead,

I am throwing things,

tears streaming down my face,

and I can't see.

Blind rage,

paints are splattered on the wall in front of me.

Crimson paint, like blood.

(I almost want to make it real. But don't.)

There's a scream caught in my throat,

tearing apart the skin like

the sharp edge of a fence snagged on my clothes.

My pencils are broken,

I've lost the brushes that moments before

Were such treasures.

Scream.

Acelan walks in—

tries to stop me—but I

fling paint at him, too.

Then I shift into my falcon form

(pure falcon, not the mongrel I really am)

and take off through the doors.

Tiny falcon tears are falling

over my feathers and I'm ripping through the air.

And Acelan's face is staring at me--

Haunting my blind vision--

Even though he can't see me

anymore.


	12. Short

Returning to Acelan

I'm like a misbehaved child—

he knows me too well for me to close him out.

Smiling shyly, I ask him to forgive me

and hope earnestly he got the paint

off of his clothes.

This last comment makes him laugh

and even I smile, too;

I'm glad to see that somebody still loves me.

Friendship keeps me sane

and it is rare.

The stars in the sky are bright tonight—

no clouds and we go flying.

Crisp air ruffling my raven-colored-

falcon feathers

and sharpens the loud cries of delight when I

beat him in our races.

But the joy is short-lived.

Next morning, waking up

to screams of disgust,

of horror.

Baby killed last night

sprawled across the ground.

Bloody.

My mind goes blank, and

I want to fall.

Acelan is gripping my arm so tight it hurts.

"Don't go anywhere," he whispers in my ear.

And I know he means Ecl. But the

temptation is so _strong_; I can stand

my own pain

but not that of others.

I collapse and I'm swimming,

I'm shivering,

I'm lost. "No!" I scream,

but the words are all bubbles in the water.

I get myself out—and it's sudden.

On my knees by the baby

"There's a child-killer loose," someone

hisses, I gasp. Stop this, I mouth

as I'm reaching towards the knife stuck in its back.

Acelan—is it him?—yanks me away and there's

tears in my eyes.

Stay happy, I think.

But I

want my mother.


	13. Name

**A/N: Sorry it's taken me a while to get around to writing this. After this chapter I will be officially entering the plot of "Karma: Deformity Is A Curse" by Starlight and Notebook. For anybody that hasn't read it, I recommend you read that one and it's predecessor, "Namid: Dancing Among the Stars." Please review! And thank you, Starlight and Notebook, for all the ideas! Everyone else--you keep me going with your reviews. Happy holidays! **

Two years go by

and I've never lived up to

my name

before like this.

Drawing into myself

and the dance

the only person worth talking to

is always there

but now he's afraid—is

that it? I spend my time

thinking up paintings to express

my mother—

I love her.

But I never even glance at the mess

of broken brushes,

shattered bottles

that were once my most treasured

possessions.

Smiling is so hard these days—

it's easier just to not talk to anyone

at all.

I'm having nightmares of the child-

killer, angry, evil thing.

But I don't know if they're real or not

So I shut up and don't say

(a word)

when I wake up screaming in the Nest

to find Acelan over me, asking what

on earth could be wrong.

Bitter is me--

Mara.

I turned seventeen

wanting to scream--

Mara.

But I can only dance

And hope that Ecl waits

But does not take (from me)

Always waiting, never leaving

Mara.


	14. Victim

**A/N: Next chap…thank you, Starlight and Notebook, for this one! Enjoy!**

A girl walks into the Nest, _my_ Nest

Whisper of a thought—_Karma_.

Following the mongrel

of a princess—

two half-bloods, also mongrels

like me.

She sits among the dancers

Talking, laughing

without a care, and I wonder

_why_ _she is here._

But my music begins

Slow at first, but quickening

and I pull into myself, forgetting her

and I step onto the dais, feeling Ecl

beside me

and I realize the tri-blood, the mongrel

Has the heart-

beat of Ecl.

Ice tempting as I dance, slow and swift steps

The drum and flute, weaving in mindless proclamation

As I

dance

crazed

steps—

My special dance.

She looks at me--startled,

Bemused, as if she has seen me before

(because I know her and I tell her with my eyes), but

I feel her slip beneath the ice,

Falling into the water

Telling her to fight does no good

Though I've stopped dancing and I'm calling her name.

She cannot

fight.

Falling too fast, the dizzying, dizzying

Lull of Ecl pulling her in

As if tired, she lies back

And Ecl--taking her in her weakness

Friends trying to wake her, I am silent

And I shake my head, knowing

She will not wake unless I fall

But now is not the time.

Waking, for a moment

Karma speaking

Grimacing in little pain and I watch

knowing she will sink again,

knowing I made her fall.

I see Acelan speak to one of the half bloods

He bends over and picks her up and she falls again

Deeply, silently,

To the lull of Ecl.

I cry out and flee the room;

How can I help my victim

when I'm a victim

myself?


	15. Chosen

**A/N: Sorry it's been a while. This chap picks up right after the last, when Karma falls to Ecl because of Mara. Please review!**

Pressing myself into a corner,

Into a wall, the cool stone scraping my cheek

I'm crying,

this wasn't how it was supposed to be.

be strong, I whisper to myself

but it is too hard.

Falling to Ecl myself doesn't matter to me—

but sharing my pain with another

a _princess_,

I cannot do.

Where is Acelan when I need him?

I saw the way he looked at her.

And somewhere inside my hurting heart

I'm happy for him.

He needs her, she needs

him—I know.

The stone is wet with tears

and it's dark in here

so dark I don't want to dance anymore.

My wings feel heavy, almost broken

Sour taste in my mouth and I wish I could leave

without feeling bad.

Wiping the tears from my face

drawing my wings into me, so I'm

human

I sit up, leave the room

Thinking I'll talk to her when she's better.

I know why she's here, but she can't ever

Understand why Ecl has chosen us

Chosen _me_.

She is a princess, a mongrel.

And me--

I'm crazy.


	16. Pledge

**A/N: This chapter parallels chapter 8 in Starlight and Notebook's "Karma: Deformity Is A Curse." Thanks for the help, S&N! Enjoy!**

Opening eyes to the firelight, blinking

in its glory, I'm

drawn to her, the mongrel princess;

A face I've thought about,

Dreamt about.

_Outside…_

(My voice is a whisper in her mind.)

It's raining outside, frigid water

sliding over my skin, _like ice_,

Like _Ecl_, but not as desperate—

The mongrel comes, surprised to see me; she's

stammering, trying to shape thoughts into words

But I beat her in her game

_Falcon?_

_Mongrel?_

_Or the girl that made you fall?_

"Crazy," I want to tell her, but my eyes stays blank.

Looking sadly at her

Pretty face, pink eyes,

I hadn't meant to push her into the dark

_Ecl_ has never hurt me

(Never kept me captive),

like her.

Rain drenching her, she's sinking to her knees in fear

of falling again

_Look at me,_

And my emotionless eyes,

I'm feeling my temper rise

and Karma only shakes her head

(Subtly)

She can't look me in the eye

She can't bear to fall--

_Afraid _

Glaring at her I shove all sympathy aside

"Look at me."

My words are harsh, my tone is not—

How can she fear me, like everyone else?

She is the one feared among her people.

But me, crazy,

mongrel, bred to hate myself,

a falcon, a raven, fallen from the sky

Seeing Karma's fear

(In her eyes, she is still terrified)

grips my stomach, I can't let go.

Reaching out with long-dead compassion,

bitter Mara never smiles, but I'm

Resolving to help her—

an ally—

Because I know she has

a greater role to play

In _Anheleh._

Explaining to her

to bind her magic;

she finally looks up and listens.

(Dance

with Acelan, little mongrel.)

_Bind and never break_

(The bond between)

_Madness is the music_

_To which I dance._


	17. Away

Crawling over tree branches,

I'm high up in a tree.

Away from the noise,

Away from the crowd.

It's too late to find me;

I won't come back down,

watching mongrel princess crying

over the death of her mother.

I am certain her mother would cry the same

if _she_ had died.

And I can't help think,

what about me?

Mother doesn't even greet

me, walking by in the market—

how many tears would she and my

invisible father

shed for me?

Thinking too hard, wishing for Acelan

to help me puzzle this out.

But he's doing what he's told

(Good Acelan, always there)

Keeping mongrel

Karma safe.

Sitting in the branches

I cry till the sun is past down

Away from the noise,

away from _Ecl_

away from every-

thing.


	18. Mistake

**A/N: We are now on chapter 11 of Karma: Deformity Is A Curse. If you haven't read it, again, I recommend you take some time to. My fic might get pretty confusing if you don't. This poem's probably not the best one here...but still, enjoy. Please review!**

Walking up the path to the

door of my mother's home—

time to visit, but will she care?

I knock and wait,

dreading her face when she sees me.

"Selah," I whisper, name on my tongue

like water;

Beautiful rock but her eyes are too blue.

Come in, come in,

I see in her eyes

she'd rather push me out into the sky.

Why is she afraid of me?

Daughters aren't frightening.

Love me, love me,

But my hair and eyes are too

much like my father

(the one I've never

seen, never thought existed)

I remind her too much of him.

Mistakes.

Fighting with her, she's brought my temper

To surface and I'm scared

of hurting her, but what am I

supposed to do?

No more falcon wings to make her happy

but I'm feeling naked without them.

It's wrong,

You're wrong,

my mother tells me

I yell and say it's not true

Crazy, maybe, but can she still love

me?

Cowering from me, she tempts me to cave

To _Ecl_, but that's impossible in front of her.

Storming out, I take to the skies,

In my falcon form.

Don't look back with lavender eyes

to see her cry—

I know the tears are there,

anyway.


	19. Love

Karma and Acelan—

in love—

too beautiful together,

too true.

Soft kisses, Karma whispers

"I've known you loved me all along."

I knew, too.

Hollow feeling in my chest

but it's for the best

Me? Dancing crazily in

my room in the Nest

spinning off energy with no

one to watch me fall.

Wishing I could cry, but my

Eyes are too dry

_Ecl_ is too close, beside me.

Acelan's happy, fate

wants them together—

this, I know.

It's my job to push them together,

but it hurts.

Days since he's been here to pull me out

of insanity,

of ice

and I'm beginning to lose it.

When I see him, I hide it.

He knows me too well,

and I love to watch him dance

with Karma,

in love.


	20. Rose

**A/N: This goes with chapter 14 in K:DIAC. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that is ahar's or Starlight and Notebook's.**

Karma's father reminiscing--

I am watching.

Seer, prophetess, evil Ramla

never telling answers

he's in pain

and no one can stop the memories.

He's sneaking into the dancers' Nest--

I am watching, watching

for my turn to dance the dais.

Karma in mongrel violets,

pretty reds

like blood but like her eyes

too much to make me sad.

Dancing, she's so beautiful

I know that Acelan loves her

as he dances beside her body.

Nyesh is watching, I am seeing

something in his eyes

that I don't ever want to see.

Dance onto the stage,

realizing--but it's too late;

Karma falls.

Tripping, sliding off the dais, straight

into _Ecl_

Shout from her father,

"Someone catch her!"

I'm on the floor beside her.

Please, Karma, come out--

_stop falling._

Ghost of a rose,

mongrel's dead mother

drifting by

I'm seeing her before Nyesh hears

her pretty voice.

I step away, into Acelan's arms,

"I'm sorry, I

made her fall."

I want to cry, but

cannot find tears that are so close.

And as I'm watching, Karma's

father follows

his beloved daughter into _Ecl_.

_Save her._

**A/N: Mara made Karma fall because Karma's magic doesn't mix with a falcon's, just to clear that up. Please review!**


	21. Sweet

**A/N: We're on chapter 16 in Karma's story...enjoy, and please review!**

Screaming, laughing, crying, she

plunges into dark

save her, wishing so badly that I could.

But she's with her mother,

with the roses,

and the ghost is telling her it's not her time to go.

Karma, come back,

don't let _Ecl_ take you.

My hand is clenched around her wrist,

but she's staring at me,

daring me

to let her go.

Bitter laughter, pink eyes on mine.

"Here I feel no pain."

Yes, you do, I'm screaming in my head

But aloud I remind her of her father.

Acelan's here,

And then her _father_—

Brave to come to _Ecl_

_He loves you oh so much…_

And we pull her out.

Back in the Now, she's waking, and

I'm watching Acelan in her room.

He kisses her forehead, they talk

softly, I'm covering my ears so I

don't hear them speak;

It's only polite.

Sweet roll still good when it's cold,

He smiles at her but she's already asleep.

And I meet him outside,

look him straight in the eye

with my lavender stare, and smile.

"I knew you liked her."

He smiles, hits me

playfully

on the head.

"You knew before I did, didn't you?"

Yes, I did.


	22. Murder

**A/N: Okay, so this is chapter 17...and for Solo Maxwell-Yamato, I've got good news! Starlight and Notebook and myself have finally thought of something happy that will happen to Mara! Not for a while, but at least ya'll have something to look forward to lol. Enjoy, and review!**

Young woman spreading her wings

And flying through the sky—

Dark, starry sky against golden feathers and the glint

Of a blade.

Watching from the darkness,

I say nothing to the sleeping forms

Girl creeping into the Nest,

_Careful don't wake the dancers._

Body screaming to stop her leaning

over him,

but I'm staying in the shadows—

I know what will happen.

Golden Acelan, waking

Whispered tears from girl and boy—

brother, sister,

long lost and nearly murdered.

"It's me, brother, Iris."

She's sobbing and my eyes are

emotionless.

Ramla Copelass has gone too far,

but I'm powerless to stop her.

Warm embrace, but awkward

Between siblings thought each other dead

and in the dying firelight, I'm watching

with sparkling lavender eyes

another _Ecl_ heartbeat

enter my life.

I take a thread of falcon magic,

Tie golden feathers to mine

And Acelan strokes his sister's head

"Hush, Iris…

sister, you're safe now."

While I'm hiding in my

iridescent raven wings

from what I know will come.


	23. Monster

**A/N: This is the scene from chapter 19 in K:DiaC. (Thanks for the ideas, Notebook!) Enjoy, and review!**

Watching dancers from the corner of my eye

I'm sitting among paper, brushes,

paint, glass jars cold

with neglect.

Feeling a sudden urge

to take the brush and paint

(Like I used to)

It's a stomachache and I can't ignore

the longing.

_Painting without a care._

Karma dances,

too good for a mongrel,

but beautiful;

pink-violet and mongrel beauty.

(I paint)

Closing my eyes so I don't see

the memories of throwing paint against the walls

and pretending it was blood.

I don't notice the nightmare I'm creating,

Until I stand,

finished with paint splotched hands and the need to hide.

Acelan's sister—too

Bold, too curious,

Iris too close—

"I didn't know you painted."

_I don't._

Girl says I'm confusing, but I won't let her see

the painting.

Shaking my head,

I retreat to a frozen room to think.

Candlelight glinting in the mirror

To show me insanity

(_crazy, oh yes_

_I am)_

Painting is slipping from fingers numb with cold

Nail-bitten fingers

dyed ugly colors of the painting

(Ugly, ugly truth.)

Staring me in the face

I swear it's reflecting itself in my

Blue-violet eyes that are clouded with

fury.

Can't let this happen,

My voice is a whisper

(I'm crazy, hopeless, Mara.)

_Ecl_ stroking me,

so soft on my skin and I want to disappear

in its icy warmth.

But staring instead

at the horrible painting—

so gentle, so horrid—

Black dias, no dancers,

Just my half-phoenix with

Beautiful—_dead—_mongrel in his arms

And they're falling

to _my_ haven, won't ever come out.

Hand on my shoulder, I shiver--

it's too warm--

Acelan, smiling and asking what's wrong.

But I only shake my head and try to not cry

Hide the tears in my glassy blue eyes

and force out a smile.

You don't want to know, I'm thinking.

_How I wish you knew_.

"Come see our dance,"

Two mongrels in love

block the painting, the nightmare,

from my eyes—

and my crazy, crazy mind.


	24. Island

**A/N: Sorry for the wait--I've been crazy busy at home and school. This follows part of chapter 20 of Karma's story. The last bit of that chapter will be my next one. I'm going to stop saying what chapters I'm paralleling, but know that this plot is original to Starlight and Notebook and that if you're confused, read her stories. Thanks and remember to review!**

Wings so close to the sky

they could brush the stars

and I land on the island, knees hitting

cool sand that reflects the brilliant

millions of stars that beckon me to dance.

The breeze teases my hair, my clothes,

and I'm dancing, collapsing in

myself, defying the wind

as I always have.

This is my haven, the safe one.

The one that won't take from me

if I go there.

Dance,

dance

as the waves lap

at my feet;

Black against an even blacker sky

(so much

like the _Ecl_

that's always on my mind.)

Sky smiles, falcon shrieks

Stars frown, that noise was not mine.

_What are you doing here?_

Waves rise up to kiss me, but it's not the right time

for this.

Silence is gone, my mind is

filled to bursting with the falcon cry

and thoughts of silence.

Coughing and sputtering, struggling out of waves,

and into my Demi-form before I realize I

fell and nearly drowned.

Words echoing in my head--mother's

_How can you just pretend that you're normal?_

I don't pretend, I just know.

_The falcons might come, someday,_

_might come to kill you_.

It's like a taunt, these words that she said.

Meant to be motherly but that's when she left.

She doesn't remember it was her

decision that

made me this way.

I take to the skies,

pushing her voice from my mind,

_can't think about you, cannot._

Land too hard on the ground,

skin scrapes off of knees and I'm raw

as I run

towards the hum of _Ecl_ and falcon so

strong in my Nest--


	25. Cursed

**Disclaimer: The world is ahar's; everyone but Mara belongs to Starlight and Notebook.**

Stumbling on my feet but I'm creeping silently

into the Nest, gasping mutely

at the hum of falcon magic in the air.

They are here.

Watching as the heir to Ahnmik's throne—

too beautiful, so much it hurts my eyes—

eyes the dancers with distaste,

yanks Karma and her cousin from the crowd,

screeching to the mongrels, this is wrong,

_mongrel heirs?_

Acelan steps up and I want to smack him

back down.

(Stupid, stupid move.)

Orders falcons to leave but I know they won't

_They want to kill_.

She means it, I want to scream

But Acelan does not hear my silent voice.

Silver blade of knife, flashing in the firelight,

I'm holding Iris back

and the blade meets someone else's—

Acelan, _no!_

Deadly dance, and I am crying,

don't kill him, don't.

Falcon steps back and Iris breaks from me.

Hearing a scream I try not to

cover my eyes.

_Too much blood_.

Iris in a bloody heap, fallen on the princess,

I'm lifting her away and letting others take her

away before I realize the falcons are gone.

They love to play games and I hate that

I'm one of them…

But I wipe Iris's blood from Karma's face

and cry into her.

She's fading, "Don't _sleep_."

My voice is hoarse as I hide my fear

and I'm desperate to stop her falling,

but she smiles and groans,

her beauty fading into _Ecl_,

Mongrel falling limp, she sleeps in the cushions

And I'm blinking back fresh tears.

You're alive but I can't take you out

of your icy prison.

Hands pry me away from her, and

I think I scream,

but my eyes are blurry and I can't see.

We are cursed,

_we are cursed._


	26. Body

**A/N: This is directly after the falcon incident, when Karma and Iris are recovering. To clear up any confusion, the falcons came to kill the mongrels in the Court, but left, probably because of boredom. Karma fell to _Ecl_ and Iris got stabbed. Please review!**

My eyes are too dry and burning

and I'm staring into the flames

before me.

Firelight dancing across my feet

as they rest upon the cold hearth stones

not yet warmed by orange glow.

Acelan and Karma are whispering;

I hear them but the words

do not register.

My mind is trapped in dreams

Of Ahnmik, of falcons,

and the home I'll never see.

Karma's beside me, I'm smiling

(forced smile)

stroking her hair and hugging her

"I'm so glad you're all right."

I let that be my excuse

for the tears in my eyes.

My mouth is lying

as I tell her I'm fine, just tired,

and I jump when loud voices

bruise my tender ears.

Iris and Acelan fighting.

"Karma and Mara have their own lives to live!"

(I bite my lip and taste blood.)

She's trying to tell him

he should go back to his people,

and the pull of _Ecl_ is already too

strong just thinking of

him leaving.

Screams make me wince,

and I'm looking away from Karma

I feel too fragile for anyone's eyes,

even hers.

And the breath I let out

when Iris walks out

Is more like a

painful sigh.


	27. Destiny

**A/N: Thanks to Starlight & Notebook and Solo Maxwell-Yamato--you have encouraged me to keep updating! **

Leaving the Nest,

I hear Acelan's thoughts as he realizes what

he's going to do.

Shaking my head, I push into the room,

"How can you leave all of us,

all of this?"

He tells me he must go, it's

his destiny to lead the wolves,

and I growl and catch his arm,

whispering that I cannot keep this from Karma.

Wrenching his arm from my cold

fingers, "I have to go now—"

But I let out a mocking chuckle,

_What about your own Ahnleh?_

_Your _Karma?

He bites his lip and wishes

To let himself fall to _Ecl_.

But I catch his face and hold him close;

I won't let him go.

"We're coming with you."

I want to scratch out mixed-blood thoughts

and smile, pretend

it doesn't matter.

but I have to find Karma.

We will pack,

_Meet him in the courtyard_.

I wish he would stay but leaving

together is for Karma's sake,

for _his _sake,

since he loves her.

Looking at him wistfully as he

Passes through the door,

I wonder if he knows how much I need him,

and whether I should bring my

paints along.


	28. Night

With the stars' promise of light

we meet in the courtyard

taking to the skies, the wind ruffling

my feathers,

feels so good, so free,

so careless.

I circle around Wyvern's Nest,

say good-bye for now,

there's tears in my eyes at the thought of leaving.

And I make a promise right then,

that I will come back and dance

once again.

Whisper of a shriek as a farewell

to mother, though I know she won't

miss me.

Acelan looks back and I catch up quickly

my falcon form bringing with it

a sense of pride at my speed

And I love the moonlight on my wings,

the way the air is crisp.

We stop for the night in a clearing,

and Acelan and Karma disappear.

(No surprise,

but there's a soft ache in my chest that

I can't explain.)

Hearing their laughs through the trees,

I smile and think that he's happy,

and that's all that matters.

I fly up to a tree, straddle the thickest

branch that will hold me,

close my eyes and cover my skin with

falcon feathers.

They return soaked, wet hair, wet clothes,

and I watch them kiss through half-closed eyes.

They think I'm sleeping.


	29. Chains

_Sakkri'a'she_

whispering in my ear,

_I hate Ramla so much,_

and she's baiting someone's father

(Karma's father)

Vision twists and now I'm in a prison cell,

gasping from the pain of

abuse by husband, swollen stomach please don't kill me.

I wake and I'm still in the tree,

legs straddling that branch and my

wings covering my skin.

My breath comes too fast, those visions

are too true.

But I don't say a word as I'm packing my group's

supplies.

Iris crying out, mad rush to her

as she falls.

"Karma, don't follow, you'll fall too fast."

"But _Acelan!_"

"I know."

We wait, hands clutched together

so tightly my fingers might fall off,

but I need Acelan to come back.

Bring Iris, save her, save me,

save us.

_I hate Ramla so much_.

Sobbing, girl breaks out of _Ecl_

straight into her brother's arms,

and I'm so happy I could cry with her.

He's always saving us from Nothing.

Karma and myself

back away, give them privacy,

before we start on our journey

once again.

Bad news, snow melting in my hair

as I'm sitting by the fire four days later.

Sleep comes, with wings wrapped around me,

but I wake the same time Acelan does.

_Where's Karma_?

It's a blind run in the blizzard, searching for the girl

who screamed in Acelan's dream

as snow blinded her.

We follow him and find wolves,

dragging mongrel princess in the snow,

"Deadria, let her go!"

She-wolf laughing, hurts my ears,

I don't miss the glance Karma sends him.

_Leave before you get captured._

No.

Chains hanging from my wrists,

I walk with all the others,

barefoot in the snow,

terror in my throat but I know I won't let go

of Acelan.

**A/N: Just an update if you're reading Notebook's story. My poem reached the end of chapter 28. Mara, Acelan, Karma, Iris, Nahun, and Naosis have been captured by the Howlkin, which is where they were heading so Acelan could reclaim the throne (he's half-wolf, half-phoenix, remember). Make sure to review!**


	30. Prison

**A/N: Okay, I know I said I wasn't gonna say which of Notebook's chapters we're on, but to clear up confusion, this goes through 29, 30, and 31. The group is now in the Howlkin Palace. And I know it might be confusing for someone who hasn't read Notebook's story (Solo Maxwell-Yamato lol), but these are Mara's thoughts, not the actual story. So remember that. And review! Thanks, Dusk.**

I forgot to put on my boots;

my feet are ice in the snow.

But I'm ignoring them and staring

at Acelan instead, how

I can read his thoughts as they fly across his face,

tormenting him.

_Prince Acelan_. Mocking words

and--

Chaos.

Akoto, I'm remembering him from a dream

that was not quite imagination,

and I feel Iris's pain sear up

my shoulder, as his guards

twist her arm, burning,

burning.

Hanging onto sanity, I press my lips shut,

won't cry out,

won't cry out.

_Ecl_ is my safety net

and I'm walking a fraying tightrope

across the night-ice sky.

Lunge of long-forgotten prince

cruel laughter spills from Akoto's mouth,

"If you want me to stop,

you could just ask."

_Let her go_.

Iris: dragged away, she's screaming

and we're taken to our separate

cells, my bare feet scraping

blood across the floor.

_(Ecl _give me boots

to stop the pain.)

No such luck.

I'm pacing, hearing Acelan crying

in the cell next to mine.

And I'm whispering to myself,

_Must get out,_

_must get out._

Flashes of nightmares that

don't belong to me--

swollen stomach, promises

that Iris should not make.

Don't sacrifice yourself!

Too late.

Acelan dreaming

of the war and I'm sharing bloody memories

but he doesn't know I see them,

too.

And Karma.

First memory of a flower.

She dreams of peace that she may never see,

and _Ecl_ wipes away hot tears while

I'm holding her back from falling. I

am in my cell,

but none of them know I share their thoughts.

It is a burden (wishes to cry

are endless--unanswered.)

Must get out,

_Must get out._

_must/get/out_


	31. Arrow

"Look out!"

Crimson.

I am too late, my words,

could not come out of my choked throat

fast enough.

_Iris._ Alone with Akoto,

she finds _Ecl_, finds me where I am lost.

But distracted by her thoughts,

she does not see the blade coming.

_Look out._

Gasping, shuddering as she tries to drag in breath,

hopelessly, listlessly,

slipping in her own blood as she blames herself,

and I'm gripping the bars of my cell,

my death-trap,

screaming in my head that I must find

a way out.

And hours later we are free,

at the price of surrender.

Flying through the sky, joy clogging up my veins,

and arrows my companions in the air.

Frightened.

Acelan, don't look back.

"I can't leave Iris!"

You have to.

Dragging him in Demi-Form,

too late once again.

Arrow ripping through his

tender feathers,

and we are falling.

_I fall._

_Drop out of the sky_

_As if I forgot_

_How to fly._

Scattered memories of that storm

so long ago,

flash before my eyes,

and I'm smelling blood while I

clutch

Acelan's slippery hand.

Pain too much to stay awake,

and I don't even try for _Ecl_.

Fall down, I'm scared but fear is so far away.

_Fall_, into

blissful

unconsciousness.

**A/N: This goes to the end of chapter 36. Please review!**


	32. Tragedy

Diving into _Ecl_, I slam my body against

the trees of the forest.

Hard tree trunks with bark that scrape my skin

off,

and I'm falling to the ground, drowning

in _Ecl_'s icy waters.

Breaking the surface, bubbles of my breath

meeting the air,

_I need to find Acelan. Find Iris_.

We need to leave.

shaking the water from ebony hair,

climbing clumsily onto the ice,

only to slip, can't get purchase

until I try to heave myself up again

(three times).

My wrists are throbbing.

Phantom pain from those

I have tied myself to?

Is this what Iris is feeling?

Chest aching from the cold,

I hug my white shift around myself,

the cloth tattered, and I'm

shivering,

wings trembling.

_Where are you?_

Echoing words, hurting my ears,

no answer and I keep screaming.

Urgency bubbling up my throat and

Cuts off my air,

And I cry out again,

"Where are you?"

Seeing someone on the ground,

too far away and I scream and run,

stumbling, ignoring

blood on the ground—from my hands?

But when I fall to a stop…

_No one's there._

Just blood, just crimson,

Tendrils reaching out to grab me,

Soaking into the ice and staining it red.

I'm crying. Falling

to my feet, feeling pure

agony.

Suddenly, Acelan's here, too,

Side covered in blood with the arrow still there,

whispering _we're too late_.

He wraps his arms around me and

I'm sobbing.

Standing up, seeing _Ecl_'s version of the

Forest around us, and I know

what to do.

Waking from _Ecl_, I clean my own wounds,

And Nahun makes his way over.

Soft hands running over wings, over bones,

Checking to see if I'm broken.

I'm not.

(But in so many ways I am.)

He is gentle, and I force a smile,

But Iris is dead,

and I'm choked with worry,

and I want Acelan

to wake up.

**A/N: This is only chapter 37. Mara went into _Ecl_ after the fall, and found out about Iris dying. Acelan did, too. Now Mara knows how to get them to escape. Please review!**


	33. Imperfect

We are not perfect.

Ducking through the tent flap,

this thought brushes my mind when I see

(1) Karma is not there.

(The fresh reek of blood is hard to

stand for long, and I don't blame her.)

(2) My wings are trembling,

but I don't know why—

I'm not cold, not weary, just scared—

and I can't bear to make them disappear

so the shaking will stop.

The air inside the tent is close;

I push open the entry to let

a soft breeze through.

"Mara, is that you?" he moans,

and I smile, nod,

realize he can't see me in this darkness.

"Yes."

I curl up against him

to hear his heart beat—

my head on his chest, hand holding

his, wings spread out to

stop their shaking.

"I can't believe she's gone."

His voice is a whisper;

I squeeze his hand, it's not your fault.

Bt he looks at me and shakes his head—

"I could have stopped it

from happening."

I want to argue with him,

prove him wrong, but I don't know what to say.

So I settle for a wobbly smile, whispering,

"It's going to be all right.

Friends forever, remember?"

I'm hoping the memory will make him smile—

I need to see him smile—

but he only nods, "Right."

He's not happy, just blaming himself

for Iris's death as he tries to stand up.

Stop, Acelan, stop!

He cries out in pain and tries again,

while I shrink into the dark,

can't see him in pain

anymore.

_And then he falls._

Screaming, I follow immediately

into _Ecl_.

Déjà vu hits me as I'm drowning.

This is so much like finding Iris

that my throat is raw with the

fear of finding him like her.

Stumbling on ice, I notice a body on the ground.

_Acelan_.

I am running, fear clogging my throat

(I can't breathe.)

But when I reach the place, again,

there is no one there.

Not even blood like the last time.

"What did you do to yourself??"

I am afraid of suicide.

Karma is here, suddenly, says

with tears in her eyes,

"I was afraid this would happen."

She puts a hand on my shoulder and I shove it away

"You don't understand!" My throat burns.

_He's the only thing that keeps me from falling forever_.

ComebackAcelancomeback-- !

**A/N: This corresponds with chap 38. Mara visits Acelan in the tent where he's healing, and he blames himself for Iris's death, falls to _Ecl_, and--well, you'll see. The plot is Notebook's. The world is AHAR's. Mara is mine. Review!**


	34. Guilt

_It all happens so fast._

He wakes, whispered word, _Aleya_—

Don't ask what it means.

Nyesh comes. Sheeva

Intre follows.

The joy Karma shows when she sees her father

reminds me of my own,

and I wonder again if he loves me.

No time to think.

Wolves appear,

Out of nowhere,

Deadria again has come to kill.

I'm thrown to the ground by a ginger-headed

woman

and I shut my eyes, wait for the

rain made of arrows to stop.

Talk, meaningless talk,

wasting time when we could be getting away.

Then,

so much blood.

Nyesh? He can't hear Karma.

He is dead and missing her sobs.

Throat torn open.

Karma becomes _Mana_.

And I am watching from the sidelines

as I fall.

Watching Karma as she loses herself.

_Shh, don't tell Acelan_

_what she does in _Ecl.

Dressed in black, she's dancing.

Wildly, crazily (like me).

Disjointed steps, she never sleeps,

but lets her energy seep out of her with the blood

from when the ice cuts her hands and feet.

Bloodied scars and she's screaming

among the other dancers.

I want her to survive.

_This isn't fair._

She's never been this desperate before.

Grabbing her hands, I plead with her

"Karma, you are going mad.

I love you, don't do this."

She bleeds for her father,

but that's my role.

I'm singing softly, hoping

she can hear me:

Let me dance for you

in my haven.

Acelan loves you

and you need him

to stop the pain so

you can sleep.

**A/N: The normal disclaimer, and this goes through chapter 41. Yes, Nyesh died. Karma is beyond crazy with grief because she feels responsible for her father's death. Sorry if this poem isn't too good. The next one will be better. Review!**


	35. Prophecy

_(Weeks later)_

The child killer is rampant.

Desperate, and I can feel her

coming, coming,

My eyes searching the crowd while

I'm standing alone in the Nest.

Exhausted but I can't sleep.

The itch in my fingers is bothering me.

(I see her, the killer.)

Knife in her sleeve as if to hide it

unsuccessfully,

and the feeling in my chest moves to

grip my stomach,

makes me want to puke.

Cadence looks down at her sister,

and I know she wants to get this kill

over with. She wants to be queen

so badly.

But the knife doesn't reach its target,

Karma.

Hilt hits the six-year old

and she crumples to the floor,

and I am watching as Cadence flees.

You are wrong, foolish girl,

wrong.

Ramla doesn't know a thing.

(I do.)

Turning back to the itch in my fingers,

I realize I must paint.

It's been so long--

I don't care.

I push through the crowd to the back of the room,

take paper and paint

and mix them together as one,

my art.

Violet and red smeared across the paper,

across my cheek, and Acelan steps forward to me.

I glance at Karma;

she's afraid (but of what?)

She's carrying not guilt, but a child.

"I know the news," I whisper,

and tears begin to fall down my cheeks.

I can't look at this painting anymore.

_Your child will be one of three._

Saying this, my heart aches;

this child, so special to her, so dear

Is different from even me

(So feeble, so fragile,

even in the womb.)

And I am burdened with the knowledge

of what is to come.

**A/N: I mentioned the child killer in a previous chapter, and now you know more about her. Only this time, she wasn't trying to kill a child. This goes through chapter 44. Karma has found out she is pregnant, and Mara knew. She also knows something else will happen involving this child. Please review!**


	36. Miscarriage

My crazed aura reaches out

like lightning,

tendrils licking the air around me,

just missing the crowds in the Nest.

Thunder rumbles as I take to the sky,

flying among the rain

like once so long before.

Karma and Acelan are dancing.

So joyous, so in love,

so I leave the clouds to

dance beside them.

Clutching this joy as my own

as Acelan dances with both of us.

_Remember this, lovers._

_It won't last._

I watch them and smile,

knowing how

they'll stay in love, together,

until their deaths.

_The next morning_.

I find the news through _Ecl_.

No tiny third heartbeat,

no laughs,

no dancing.

It takes her so long to realize

the blood on the sheets means death--

_Not her fault_.

I can hear Karma sobbing from my room

in the dark.

I wish I didn't have

this burden,

this burden of knowing

before anyone else

what was to happen.

I know Acelan understands me now,

knows what I meant by my words...

I am shaking with guilt,

but I don't let it show.

They are going through too much already.

_And then Karma falls._

**A/N: It has been sooo long...so sorry! This chapter goes through 47. Karma has a miscarriage; Mara knew she would. And then Karma falls to **_**Ecl**_** on purpose. Please review!**


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